are you kidding me?
by baconanyone
Summary: Kim's view of the fanfictions on this site. Her reactions, thoughts, and rants. Rated T for my really awkward writing. Each of the numbers in the list will bea chapter.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi everyone! I don't like these but I had this idea and decided to roll with it. Some of the situations in this fandom are really...unrealistic (although really entertaining) and I was thinking about Kim's reactions to these different kinds of Fanfics. This is weird. REALLY weird. Also, I mean no insult to people who write this, it is my vision of KIM'S OPINION ONLY.**

Hey everyone! It's Kim! You're probably wondering why I'm here. On my own creepy little fanpage or stalker site or whatever.

Okay guys. I'm seriously disappointed. You have got to be kidding me. I found these Fanfictions on the Internet and they're supposedly about a show about Jack, Jerry, Milton and me.

Creepy much?

So I was surfing these, and honestly, some of this stuff is gross. YOU TWISTED MINDS! DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT YOU HAVE ME AND JACK DO IN SOME OF THESE?

Be right back, I'm just seething in a corner. Nothing interesting.

..

...

...

..

Okay.

I'm back.

I've noticed there are a bunch of different kind of fics people write for us, so I'll go over them real quick.

1) The gang goes to the beach  
2) The gang has a sleepover  
3) Jack's parents leave  
4) Random love declarations  
5) We share a hotel room or something  
6) One of us gets hurt  
7) Everyone goes on vacation

Ugh.

How do you guys even write such cliche stuff? Honestly.

Ew.

**Reviews welcome!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2!**

**The example in this one is not from any story(hopefully). I wrote that and I hope I never have to write like that ever again. Even though I will have to next chapter. Ugh.**

Okay. THE GANG GOES TO THE BEACH.

Here's pretty much what happens in one of these.

Ahem.  
**  
**_Rudy said okay guys lets go to the beach and we all went into the van and I was pressed against Jack and he was ripped. We got to the beach and I said Jack will you put lotion on me and he said yes and it felt so good. Then I wanted to tan but Jack said Kimmy lets go into the water and I said no so he threw me over my shoulder and dunked me into the water and when I got up I hit him and he said ow what was that for and I said don't call me Kimmy. Then we leaned forward and started making out and it was great then he said Kim will you be my girlfriend and I said yes._ ****

Honestly.

Are you serious?

First of all, nobody in Seaford trusts Rudy enough to give him a car, let alone drive five teenagers in it. If he did, Rudy would probably try to install a pool in it or something. Gee, sometimes I wonder about that man.

Second.

IT'S A VAN FOR GOODNESS' SAKES PEOPLE! IT HAS LIKE FIVE BAJILLION SEATS SO WHY IN THE GREASY FALAFEL BALL WOULD I BE "SQUISHED UP AGAINST JACK'S RIPPED ABS"?

Third, I'm a black belt people. If Jack tried to do ANYTHING unapproved by yours truly, he would probably be rolling around on the ground calling for more painkillers. Trust me.

Four. Jack's a black belt too. You don't think he would hit me back at all? You are so wrong it's funny.  
HA  
ha  
ha  
ha

It's actually not that funny.

Five guys (HAH THAT PLACE IS DELICIOUS). We're teenagers. Not your little puppets. So don't you think it's a little creepy that we suddenly start leaning in after I whack the dude? Think about it, kiddos.

TO SUM UP EVERYTHING WE LEARNED TODAY:  
Grammar and common sense. Use them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Whoa! I'm really surprised that this story got the response it did! Without further ado, chapter 2. (That rhymed :D)**

Yay.  
We have a sleepover.  
Woo-hoo.  
**  
**_Jack's parents were out of town so he texted me and the gang to have a sleepover for a whole month while they were on a business trip. Then I packed my stuff and went to Jacks house where we started to play truth or dare. Then Jack took off his shirt and said like what you see Kimmy and I hit him and said don't call me kimmy and then we started kissing. Then Jerry, Milton and Eddie said Kick prevails. We started watching a movie but Jerry Milton and Eddie fell asleep so Jack and I went upstairs and he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes._****

Someone tell me why any good parents would leave a HORMONAL TEENAGE BOY IN A HOUSE BY HIMSELF?

Please.

Enlighten me.

Also, what company would pay for their employee to stay at a hotel for a month?  
Oh, and coincidentally, Jack's other parent was gone, too!  
Interesting.

I also like the fact that immediately after i arrive at Jack's house we begin playing trth or dare. No greetings, no eating (on Eddie's part), no awkwardness (coughJERRYcough), no nothing. We just start playing.

Why is it that I always hit Jack when he calls me Kimmy? Can't I tickle him? Or kick him? Or tie him up? Or shove him into a large drum and-

Sorry. I get a bit carried away sometimes.

Why do Jack and I kiss in like EVERY single one of these creepy stalkerfics? As Jerry would say, this is totally not swag.

Okay, do any of you people know what a comma is? Try it sometime. It makes you look marginally smarter.

Also, do you think that my friends have nothing better to do with their lives than make up couple names?

Wait.

I take that back.

They probably don't have anything better to do with their lives.

And then, when we watch the movie, Jerry, Milton and Eddie magically all fall asleep at the same time.

Wow.

It's like the story of our lives is written by some Disney worker or something. Psh.

After that, we went upstairs where Jack asks me to be his girlfriend. Why in the greasy falafel ball would we go upstairs?

Wait.

Geez. The implied dirtiness is so strong I think i'll need to shower twice today.

You guys are gross.


End file.
